Daring & Pioneering New Film Release!

In a daring and ground-breaking move, a children’s film challenges its protagonist to “follow her heart” and “be who she truly is”. The just-released Disney adventure Spread Your Wings follows a plucky heroine named Princess Jacqueline as she learns this valuable lesson from her mentor, a wise and kind-hearted unicorn named Kamala.

Disney executive Steve Mammon called the movie’s message “edgy, bold, and exciting” ignoring the fact that every kid’s movie for 40 years has spread this exact same message as if imposed by government fiat. Mr. Mammon hopes the kids will understand the lesson is not to be taken the wrong way: “Resistance to parents or other proximate authority figures is fantastic, but our children should always conform to the dictates of the exalted all-knowing bureaucratic overlords and eagerly adopt one of our four pre-approved lifestyle templates.

Sy Cofanti, 37, of Morristown NJ together with his wife June, 35, and two kids just returned from a special Covid-safe screening of Spread Your Wings which they thoroughly enjoyed despite being encased throughout within large smelly cubes of foam rubber. “The film’s message is just so stimulating,” declared Mr. Cofanti as he wrestled his wife away from the window of their 7th story apartment, “and not in any way an unbearable cliché.” He continued, “Nor does the message defy common sense nor undermine what’s left of our influence over our own children.” Sy’s youngest son Ethan, 3, piped up, “A film which celebrates autonomy and dismantles patriarchal structures of dominance is long overdue.”

Many at the screening couldn’t speak as they were too busy weeping in thanksgiving for such a timely and special film. It was anyway hard to hear what they were saying through the thick layers of foam rubber.

Also coming out this year from Disney is another inspiring tale featuring Princess Robert and xer lovable pal Soros the magic serpent entitled Boys Can Be Princesses Too!