My mother was of Irish Catholic and German Ancestry. Her family included Maddens and Ryans and Nefcies and of course Behlings. They lived in Boston and Hell’s Kitchen NYC and elsewhere. My mother was born Frances Elizabeth Behling in 1926 in New Rochelle NY which is about 45 minutes from Broadway. They moved to N.J. when she was very young.
My mom grew up in the Oranges among other towns. Her father was a carpenter. She had an older brother Frederick and sister Margaret, that’s my aunt Midge. To give you an idea of how long ago my mom’s childhood was: My grandmother gave her girls a quarter for both to see the movies. A dime each for admission and a nickel for a candy bar, which they’d split. Their brother would drive them to the theatre. They rode in what’s called a rumble seat, that’s in the back of the car. This was during the Great Depression, but I always think of my grandma, Aunt Midge and mother as smiling a lot just like my daughter Mary. Mom told me about how she used to play with paper dolls as her dad listened to baseball on the radio and her mom might be making mashed potatoes in the kitchen or boiling water for tea. She said Berling water in her NY accent.
Mom was a good student in high school but rumors exist that on at least one occasion she skipped school and went to a show in NY With her sister.
1943 was a terrible year for her family. My Uncle Frederick was in the Army Air Force. his plane went down and he died this was in the Pacific theatre. He was aged 23.
As a teenager my mom was a bobby soxer. she used to go to CYO dances. One can only imagine. She seemed to have innumerable friends. She was highly gregarious my mom.
She was the first person to go to college in her family. She wrote a research paper on the Missionary Servants of the Most blessed Trinity. Her mother‘s sister was a nun in that order.
My mother went to Panzer College where she studied physical education. She was a popular and innovative gym teacher. For example she taught her students Filipino stick dancing, which involves clapping together bamboo poles. You avoid the poles as you dance. She had us trying it out at home. She also organized field days at Stony Brook School, which were very successful. Mom taught us gym on occasion at St. Cecilia‘s. During class she called us Spilman like we weren’t her kids. She’d say: Get in line Spilman and blow her whistle at us which we thought was very funny.
It’s hard to convey how active my mother was. I remember her in her suede jacket constantly in motion.
Mom and dad met at Seton Hall University in Newark Where they both attended classes, my dad dressed in a suit when they went on dates. they were married in 1957 in June and began producing children with Great urgency. Frances was born in 1958 right before Mother’s Day. Then came Susan James Frederick who died as a baby and later Mary. Mom was an extremely dedicated mother. Our pediatrician Dr Deichman said it was like she had 4 only children.
My mom valued education. She was a strong advocate for what she called enrichment. She read books to us every night before we went to bed. She would let us pick a book. I often chose a Dr. Seuss book. My older sisters might pick a Raggedy Ann and Andy book. I remember how she read to us with great expression. one Christmas she also sewed very large Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls for my sisters and a Teddy bear for me.
As we got older mom and dad traveled a lot visiting their children. they went to Ireland And France and other countries in Europe. they went to Japan to visit Mary Mom was very hungry after that trip because she didn’t eat rice, which she considered too exotic. they went to China to visit me. they saw Lilly and my son Franky when he was a baby in Xian, China. they went to Australia to visit Mary and her Australian husband Klaus and her two granddaughters Margaret and Isobel.
After my parents retired they lived in Florida in West Palm Beach during the winter. they played golf they watched Notre Dame football. My mom was a loving grandma to her nine grandchildren, beginning with Jack then James Margaret Katie Isabel Sarah Franky Mary Freddy. We also can’t forget My parents appreciation of Manhattans Which was considerable.
As my mother declined in health she sometimes didn’t want to eat. We tried to encourage her but with limited success. Sometimes Frances gave my mom oranges to eat. Mom would give the oranges in turn to my son Franky to eat She told him to keep it a secret. Franky just told us this a few days ago. He kept mom’s secret all this time which I think shows commendable loyalty.
It’s sad to see mom’s empty room, but she can now rejoin her children Frederick and Mary who died of cancer over 20 years ago and my father who died last year After a marriage of 63 years. Dad has had time to design and build a home for them and I’m sure he has everything well organized up there.
We can‘t fully pay back what our parents do for us but my sister Frances came close. My father and Frances took care of mom for years as she declined in health. And then after Dad died Frances took wonderful care of Mom. There never was a more devoted daughter.
Chicken fat
parachute
Everyone who knew my mom knew what a friendly energetic joyful caring woman she was.
to us in some cases
My mom’s sister my aunt midge was married with a growing family. Mom told me she used to grab one of the little boys and bring him inside and say look what I found can we keep him?